There were many things I learned from attending my first birth as a doula. I wanted to write them down so as not to forget them. What an incredible, fun, exhilarating, and beautiful experience it was!
The mama at my first birth ROCKED!! Baby was posterior and she had a rough labor. She was sick and in pain from the start (most likely from that posterior position) and was doing everything she could while running on low energy from being up all night. Her goal was to make it to 5 without an epidural. She did great!! She made it to a stretchy 6 and got the epi after being in labor for 15 hours. What a trooper!! After the epi she was able to relax a bit more and get minutes of sleep in between all the beeps of the monitors and interruptions that come with being monitored at the hospital. We were told the mom next door had a C-section after pushing for hours because she had a posterior baby. I think that the mama was a bit worried at first, but she did so awesome! She pushed for not even two hours and birthed her perfectly healthy posterior little boy after less than 24 hrs of labor and no pitocin. What an awesome experience. :)
So what I learned from this specific experience -
* Being a doula is more about the consistent presence and support than it is bringing something special to the table every moment of labor. I kept worrying about proving myself. I wanted the family to think I was worth having. I kept trying to think of great things that no one else could think of and was getting discouraged because between the nursing staff, a mom that's birthed 8 children, and a husband studying to be a nurse...I didn't have very many other "special skills" to offer. But when everyone was exhausted, I think it was just positive words and continuous support while she was awake that probably mattered the most.
* Taking turns is hard to do. It's so difficult to know when to back off and allow the other support people have their special moments being there for mom. I wanted to give them a break, but it was hard to know when they wanted one and if they wanted to be there the whole time or not. You really have to pay attention and try to pick up on cues. I desperately wanted to not overstep bounds and also not leave mom feeling abandoned. I realized I just have to do the best I can to watch everyone and use my intuition.
* Knowing what to do and how much of it is not easy. Mom is in p-a-i-n. She is hurting and her communication is limited. She is good at telling family when she's not enjoying something, but does she feel comfortable enough to tell me that? I was very worried that I was not helping but hindering a few times and never knew how long to do something for. It's a funny place to be in. Future labors I will definitely be telling moms to make sure they feel free to yell or grunt or do whatever they need to if they are not wanting that kind of specific massage or whatever at that moment.
* Birth is the most beautiful and awe-inspiring human event I've ever witnessed. It was an incredibly powerful thing to watch that little baby make his way into the world! I wonder if I will cry during every birth. :)
I know I have so much more to learn and am really looking forward to my next birth that is coming in the next week or so! I will hopefully continue to write what I'm learning so I don't forget it and can share with other doulas that are learning too.
In closing, I think the thing that I learned the most is that this is a difficult and incredibly rewarding job. Difficult because you will never know how valuable or invaluable you really were. You may never know what things really were helpful and what things were completely useless. Every mom and every birth is completely different and you will likely be effective at differing levels for each different birth. But all of them are beautiful. All of them are life-giving. And being apart of every single one will be a blessing.
